I just finished reading the section of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on the fourth habit of Think Win/Win. While reading through it, I had to stop quite a few times to sit and reflect on what I had just read because it was very insightful into some of the relationships and interactions I have had with people over the years, both personally and professionally.
Covey says there are five dimensions of a Win/Win:
For the character dimension, he breaks it down further into three areas:
Integrity is one of those things that I keep coming across through all of the books I have been reading, and it is one of those things I have always held as one of my top personal and professional values. It is also our top value for our business. Covey says, “one of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present.”
Here are a few other quotes on integrity that I find powerful:
In addition to the above definitions, when I think of integrity, I think of doing what you say you are going to do.
The second part of the character, as defined by Covey, is maturity, which Hrand Saxenian describes as “the ability to express one’s own feelings and convictions, balanced with the consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others.” While I have known many definitions of maturity before, this one put it in such a way that it made it much clearer. So much of what I feel is missing in everyday life anymore is the ability to stop and see the entire situation through the eyes of the other person - to have genuine empathy and compassion. We all have heavy things we are dealing with on a daily basis. We don’t all talk about or post them publicly on social media, but we all carry them. Seeing others as individual human beings with their own problems, worries, thoughts, emotions, and ambitions allows us to approach situations from a place of maturity and eventually reach a win/win.
The last part of the character, as defined by Covey, is the abundance mentality. This was an interesting one for me, as reading about the opposite, scarcity mentality, allowed me to understand some people’s behavior through a new lens. Covey describes the scarcity mentality as people who:
“have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power, or profit - even with those who help in the production. They also have a very hard time being genuinely happy for the successes of other people - even, and sometimes especially, members of their own family or close friends and associates. It is almost as if something is being taken from them when someone else receives special recognition or windfall gain or has remarkable access or achievement.”
Tony Robbins has a great blog post about the abundance mentality. Understanding the differences between the abundance mentality and the scarcity mentality has allowed me to approach situations with people in a scarcity mindset with more understanding, empathy, and compassion (maturity). Rather than labeling them as “bad people” because of their negative behaviors from a scarcity mindset, I can place myself in their position a bit better and find new ways to approach them.
A big component of the fourth habit of Think Win/Win is finding ways in which to work collaboratively for a win/win outcome rather than competing against one another. To do that, you need trust, which is formed with integrity. You also need to approach the problems and solutions from a place of maturity where you can step back and see and respect things not just from your point of view but from their perspective, too. And finally, understanding that there is enough out there for all of us (abundance mentality) and sharing in the abundance is more fruitful than trying to keep it all for yourself. As Covey says, “we will win more of what we want by going for what we both want.”
All of this can be impactful for both business and personal areas of life. Finding ways in which both you and your client can win will create bigger wins for both of you. And if for some reason you can’t find that win/win, it is okay to say there is no deal, which Covey explains as “if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably - No Deal.” Early on in my first business, I would have found this concept completely absurd because I thought that I needed to take each and every client that came my way, even if it meant putting aside one of my core values or giving up something (I was in a Lose/Win mentality for a lot of my business interactions in the beginning - meaning I ended up losing while my client won). It wasn’t until suffering through a lot of bad interactions that I came to realize that it was okay for me to win as well as my client. I didn’t have to make myself available 24/7 or offer my services at a huge discount just because that was what the client wanted. Finding ways to create win/win experiences created a much more enjoyable and profitable experience. And for those that I knew wouldn’t end up as a win/win, I started saying no to - not only was that empowering, but it created much more positive energy for my business, even for those clients I said no to, because I was able to offer them better alternatives to help them win (and yes, that means I referred them to “competitors,” which I never really saw as competition, not because I’m so great, but because I have the abundance mentality that there is enough out there for all of us).
None of these things are quick and easy to understand and implement. But you can get there if you take some time each day to stop, reflect, and practice. Just put the work in and act with integrity - if you say you will do something, do it.