Damien and I have had many conversations about our upbringings and how vastly different they were. In one of our recent conversations, we got on the subject of how those around us, while we were growing up (and in some cases even still today), tend to put up walls. We were trying to dissect and figure out what caused those walls to be put up and how we might be able to learn from them and tear down our own walls so we aren’t keeping people out or pushing them away.
There are three shows that I enjoy watching because they shed light on the human psyche in ways that most shows don’t or can’t—My 600lb Life, Hoarders, and Intervention.
The one common theme I have been able to glean over the years of watching these shows is that almost all of the people on the shows have developed their addiction as a way to build up a wall around themselves to protect them from some experienced trauma. Each in their own different ways (food, stuff, garbage, drugs), they build up that wall, stronger and stronger, to keep others away and at a safe distance.
So it was fitting to read this passage from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People right after we had this conversation about walls:
"I felt that experiencing synergy was more powerful than talking about it, that producing something new was more meaningful than simply reading something old.
I’ve also experienced, as I believe most people have, times that were almost synergistic, times that hung on the edge of chaos and for some reason descended into it. Sadly, people who are burned by such experiences often begin their next new experience with that failure in mind. They defend themselves against it and cut themselves off from synergy.
It’s like administrators who set up new rules and regulations based on the abuses of a few people inside an organization, thus limiting the freedom and creative possibilities for many—or business partners who imagine the worst scenarios possible and write them up in legal language, killing the whole spirit of creativity, enterprise, and synergistic possibility.”*
While this shed some additional light on why people build their protective walls, it was also eye-opening to see that my risk aversion may be its own wall.
You can read more about the positive use of risk prevention in Book Brew 49.
However, risk aversion is a double-edged sword. While we want to ensure we protect ourselves, our business, and our clients, we also need to ensure we aren’t killing creativity and synergy along with it. It is such a delicate balance beam to cross, but it is an important distinction to make.
Finding the balance between protection and connection is no easy task. But if we allow fear or past failures to build walls, we risk missing out on the beauty of synergy. Walls can keep us safe, but they can also keep us isolated. Let’s find that delicate balance—lowering our defenses just enough to invite synergy, creativity, and possibility back into our lives.