Are we helping, or are we judging?
This was the question that came up when reading the "Notice - How to See Clearly" chapter in Effortless by Greg McKeown. So often, when someone comes to us with a problem, we want to jump in with a solution, which is really a form of judgment. As McKeown points out, “When people are judged, it drowns out their inner voice. The moment our judgments are voiced, they compete for the limited mental space others need to draw their own conclusions.”
Struggling with Solutions
Not chiming in with solutions is something I have always struggled with. When a friend or family member presents a problem, I want to fully jump in and wade through the muck with them to help find a solution. It has only been maybe over the past decade or so that I have come to realize (through a lot of reading about human behavior and psychology) that this just isn’t helpful—not even a little. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely instances in which people present a problem and fully want input on a solution. But in most cases, they just want to be seen, acknowledged, and valued as they start the process of working the issue out themselves.
The Clearness Committee Practice
McKeown talks about a practice of the Quakers with their Clearness Committee. I had never heard of it before and am deeply fascinated by it. Basically, if someone has an issue, they can ask the group to form a Clearness Committee, which will listen to the person’s problem. The committee is permitted to ask clarifying questions, and they can repeat what the person said to them, but they are not permitted to offer any opinions, advice, or judgments. “The intent is to help people amplify their inner voice and gain clarity on how to move forward.” How amazing would it be if we could all be called on to be part of a Clearness Committee for a family or friend (or even client) in need?
The Gift of Presence
Simply being present, without distractions, is a precious gift that we each possess.
Ponder This
- How can you practice being more present when someone comes to you with a problem?
- What strategies can you implement to avoid jumping in with solutions and help others find clarity?
- How can the Clearness Committee concept be applied in your business?
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
Books
- Effortless - Greg McKeown
Comments