A friend and mentor recently died, after what his daughter described as a long illness. I had no idea he was sick. Reading the post from his daughter got me thinking - why do we retreat behind closed curtains and doors, withdraw from society, and go dark when we become ill?
Why is it that we don’t shout out, “Hey everyone, I’m sick and possibly dying. I need you, my community, now more than ever!”?
Don’t Wait to Show Love
We could spend time with these loved ones, send them things to make them smile, share stories and laughter, or just sit with space for them while they are alive instead of waiting for a death notice, going to a funeral, and saying all kinds of nice things we could have said in person? Why, in general, do we not say these things even in good health? Buses can come around any corner unexpectedly.
Living in the Present
A few quotes I feel are relevant here:
"The only time we really have is now. Let us not squander it, for tomorrow is not guaranteed." – A Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine
"Life is fragile. Buses can come around any corner. That’s why we must tell people we love them today, not tomorrow." – The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
"The best way to honor someone is not by remembering their absence, but by being fully present in their presence." – The Art of Mindful Communication by Susan Gillis Chapman
The Power of Pebbling
Take time today (and every day) to celebrate the life of your loved ones. Reach out to them, share a memorable story, send a funny meme, and tell them you love them. There is even a term to describe this, it is called pebbling, which are little deeds of love that remind your loved one you are thinking of them. It comes from the habits of penguins that pass along pebbles to other penguins, showing they care.
Ponder This
- Why do you think people often hide their struggles instead of asking for support?
- How can you “pebble” someone in your life today?
- When did you last reach out to a loved one just to share a moment of joy or gratitude?
Books
- A Guide to the Good Life - William Irvine
- The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
- The Art of Mindful Communication - Susan Gillis Chapman
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