“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt, and I have watched too many people robbed blind by it.
When Comparison Creeps In
I have been thinking a lot about “comparison” lately and how toxic it is.
My dad was recently in the hospital (he’s fine now), and it brought up a memory of a conversation I had with him the last time I visited. He said something along the lines of “Compared to other people my age, I think I’m in pretty good shape.”
I won’t go into what my response was to him because it has no bearing on this, but it got me thinking….what does it matter how you compare to the other person? They aren’t you. You don’t exist in their body, you don’t live in their home, you don’t work their job.
But you exist in your body, you live in your home, you work your job.
Does Their Rug Change Yours?
“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” Marcus Aurelius
If the person next door has a different colored rug at their front door than you do, does that change the color of your rug or its effectiveness?
If the person next to you in the waiting room at the doctor’s office is missing a leg and needs oxygen to breathe, does that change the pain you have in your hips or your need for a rescue inhaler for your occasional asthma attacks?
If your business made $10k last month and your competitor made $50k, does their success pay your bills? No. And if they made $5k while you made $10k, does that magically mean you don’t need to improve? Also no. Revenue comparisons don’t fix your cash flow or your strategy.
The Trap of False Superiority
My point is, comparing your situation to others isn’t helpful, and likely toxic because it gives you a false sense of feeling superior about your own condition when in reality it isn’t that great.
If you are 530lbs and your sister is 743lbs, you may look at her and say “Compared to her, I think I’m doing pretty well. I am not as bad as her, so I don’t need help like she does.” (Dr. Nowzarden is my hero and I love the My 600lb Life show). The reality: you both are sick as shit and desperately need immediate help.
Life Doesn’t Care About Comparisons
But since we are in a society that toxicly endorses comparisons, we think “I’m good” because someone else is worse. Spoiler alert: life doesn’t work like that.
The weight you gain from refusing to change your diet doesn’t care that your friend eats worse than you do - it is still going to build up.
The pain you have from your wrist injury that you refuse to rest and let heal, doesn’t care that the guy next to you in the waiting room is in a cast and screaming in agony - it is still going to hurt and not heal.
The clients you lose from neglecting follow-ups don’t care that your competitor’s customer service is worse – they are still gone.
Shane Parrish says it well: “Swim in your lane. Every second you spend looking at a person in another lane comes at the cost of your progress. Focus on yourself.”
Why Are You Less Important Than Your Enemy?
One final thought I will leave you with here that has been bouncing around in my head for a month or two…we often say “I don’t wish it on my worst enemy” when describing a situation we are going through.
If you wouldn’t accept it for your worst enemy, why do you accept it for yourself? Why are you holding another person, in this comparison, your worst enemy, in higher regard than yourself? Just some thoughts to let brew.
TL;DR
Stop the toxic comparisons. They don’t help. And honestly, they don’t matter. Just do you. And if you need to make a comparison, compare your past self to your current self.
Ponder This
- What’s one toxic comparison you’ve been holding on to that you can drop today?
- If you only compared yourself to your past self, what progress would you actually see?
Books/Newsletters
- Brain Food newsletter - Shane Parrish
- Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
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