Why is it that more often than not, when we are given good advice from someone who has more knowledge, expertise, and/or experience in the area than we do, we don’t follow said advice? This has been heavy on my mind for the past few days, and I am putting this out there in the world, hoping that someone can give me some insight because I’m stumped. And I am stumped not just because of others not following the advice I have given, but because I am guilty of it as well. Hell, I’m sitting here right now not following two pieces of good advice - I’m multitasking, and I’m eating my breakfast while working, both of which I know aren’t good for me, yet I’m doing it anyway. So why do we do it? (or don’t do it?)
Seeking Clarity: Insights From the Experts
A few insights I have gleaned from some of the books I have read shed a bit of light. Yet, I still yearn for more. This need to understand the human mind and human behaviors has been a lifelong mission for me (at one point, I was even majoring in psychology).
So, what do the “experts” have to say on this topic? Let’s take a look at a few.
Nudge - Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein
This book explores how we often don't act in our best interests, even when given good advice. It explains how behavioral biases and inertia cause us to resist making beneficial changes despite clear advice, which is why "nudging" is suggested as a way to steer choices in a positive direction.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
Covey briefly touches on how we often fail to follow sound principles and advice. One of the central habits, "Be Proactive," underscores how many of us ignore advice about personal responsibility and instead react to external circumstances, blaming others or the environment.
Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely
While I haven’t finished this book yet since it ended up being a bit heavy for me emotionally, Ariely also discusses how we often act against our best interest, even when given good advice. He shows us how irrational behaviors and cognitive biases cause us to make decisions that defy logic, even when we know better options.
Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
I know I have mentioned this many times before, but this is seriously one of the best books out there - go read it if you haven’t yet. In it, Kahneman explains how we rely on fast, intuitive thinking (System 1), which often leads us to ignore sound advice that requires slower, more deliberate thought (System 2). He illustrates how cognitive biases lead us to disregard good advice, especially when it conflicts with our intuition.
Influence - Robert Cialdini
Another great book (he has great online content, too), where Cialdini explores why we sometimes fail to follow good advice because we are swayed by social pressures, authority figures, or other psychological triggers that influence our decisions, even when the advice we receive is logical or beneficial. Very much in line with what the above books touch upon.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry
This takeaway is interesting because it tackles it from another angle. Bradberry explains how individuals with low emotional intelligence can fail to act on sound advice about managing their emotions, choosing instead to react impulsively or emotionally in situations where advice suggests a more rational approach.
Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink
While not my favorite read, the messages in this book were extremely (see what I did there??) powerful and ones I use daily. Willink addresses how those in leadership positions often resist taking good advice because of ego or the fear of appearing weak - this point is something Damien and I talked about this week regarding a situation that came up that sparked this entire conversation. Ego is the enemy (wait, that’s a totally different, yet appropriate book….). Jocko emphasizes that taking responsibility and ownership includes following good advice, even when it challenges personal pride - a tough piece of advice, but a great one.
The Art of Happiness - Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler
While this book is more about happiness, they do discuss that even when advised on cultivating happiness and contentment, we often fall back into negative habits and mindsets, avoiding the actions that could lead to a happier life. A quick reflection about our emotional home from Uncle Tony seems apt here:
“The quality of our life is the quality of our EMOTIONS. ❤️
We each have an emotional home, a familiar state we keep returning to, no matter the circumstances. If that home is filled with anger, frustration, or sadness, we will then react to life in a lousy and negative way. ⛔🏚️
It’s our emotional homes—those familiar states of being, whatever they may be—that SHAPE OUR DECISIONS, and ultimately life. ✨
Often times people focus on trying to control the world around us. But, that’s beyond our control—we can only influence it. 🌎
What we can CONTROL are our thoughts and emotions, and if we can master those, we get the key ingredients for SUCCESSFUL AND FULFILLMENT. 🌟
Our emotions can be a barrier or a catalyst, either hindering us or empowering us to unleash our full potential and live an EXTRAORDINARY LIFE.” ~ Tony Robbins
Mindset - Carol Dweck
In Mindset, we learn that those of us with a fixed mindset may ignore or reject good advice, particularly when it challenges our beliefs about our abilities. Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, are more likely to embrace advice and apply it for self-improvement.
While all of these insights open the door a nudge to see into the human behavior around ignoring advice, I am still seeking more info. Please share your reasons behind not following what you know is good advice so I can close this open loop.
Ponder This
- What advice have you ignored that could have changed your life if you followed it?
- How does your mindset (fixed vs. growth) influence your ability to take advice?
- What emotional patterns or "homes" do you return to, and how do they affect your decision-making?
Books
- Nudge - Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
- Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely
- Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
- Influence - Robert Cialdini
- Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry
- Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink
- The Art of Happiness - Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler
- Mindset - Carol Dweck
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