We have been having an interesting debate over the two weeks or so since I saw what I initially thought was a simple post in a Facebook networking group. The post asked the group about their thoughts on the thumbs-up emoji (👍) and if they felt it to be okay in business communication or if it was passive-aggressive. I responded to the post that I don’t like using it in any form of communication (personal or professional) because I see it as dismissive and passive-aggressive. As the day went on, more comments on the post poured in, and it appeared that there was an almost 50/50 split in how people perceived this emoji.
Opposing Views: A House Divided
When I mentioned this interesting finding to Damien he fell on the opposite side from me - he feels it is a positive emoji and tends to use it a lot. Even said he has read how some high-powered business people use the emoji to confirm a deal. So started the debate.
Why I Find It Passive-Aggressive
Why do I feel it is dismissive and passive-aggressive? I’m not fully sure, but I know I have a very strong reaction whenever I see it in a text message, DM, or email. Oddly enough, as Damien was quick to point out, I don’t perceive the “liked” thumbs up on a Facebook or LinkedIn post in the same way. When I see the thumbs-up emoji, I take it to mean, “yeah, okay, whatever” or “fine” - both in a sarcastic manner.
Cultural Sensitivity and Communication
Another reason I don’t like it is that I am aware that in some countries/cultures, a thumbs-up is a rude gesture, similar to our use of the middle finger in the US. The area we currently live in and the area we previously lived in are two of the most diverse areas within the US, so being culturally sensitive and aware has been top of mind for over two decades.
Generational and Cultural Variations in Emoji Perception
We then ended up down a rabbit hole of how people perceive other emojis (surprising how many articles there are out there about this topic). What we found is that it varies widely based on the age and culture of the person. There is so much variation in the reception of emotions that Dictionary.com has an entire page dedicated to “How Gen Z Uses Emoji." In looking through the different interpretations, it came about that Gen Z tends to find the thumbs-up emoji as passive-aggressive, while Millennials find it to mean “good job” or “well done.”
The Pitfalls of Abbreviated Communication
To add to all of this, I came across a post from Adam Grant on LinkedIn the other day that mentioned that typing a message like “how r u” has been found through at least eight research studies to be perceived as insincere. Abbreviated messages tell the other person we value our time more than we value them.
Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Meaningful Communication
Communicating with awareness, care, and empathy go a long way to developing solid relationships - personal and professional. All of it comes down to the use of emotional intelligence and empathetic listening skills. I have written about these concepts in a couple of posts (Book Brew 66, Book Brew 74).
“Empathy arises naturally when we are present, open, and receptive. By creating a space of awareness, we foster genuine communication that honors the emotions and perspectives of others." - The Five Keys to Mindful Communication by Susan Gillis Chapman
"To listen is to pay attention, take an interest, care about, and acknowledge. It is to cherish and delight in a conversation partner. Listening is a powerful tool for understanding and connection." - The Lost Art of Listening by Michael Nichols
A Legal Lesson: Emojis Can Seal the Deal
As I was writing this I did a quick Google search for the thumbs-up emoji and came across an BBC article that was about a farmer in Canada who was fined for not fulfilling a contract, which was deemed legitimate after he sent a thumbs-up emoji via a text message. So, word of caution: even if you do not find the emoji to be dismissive, think twice when using it when there are business deals at stake.
Quick Tips for Emotionally Intelligent
Digital Communication
- Choose Emojis Thoughtfully
Be mindful of the cultural, generational, and contextual interpretations of emojis. When in doubt, clarify your intent with full words. - Balance Brevity with Warmth
Avoid overly abbreviated messages like “how r u,” which may appear insincere. Take an extra moment to craft a thoughtful, complete response. - Consider the Audience
Tailor your tone, style, and choice of words to the preferences and expectations of your recipient. - Use Empathy as Your Guide
Before hitting send, consider how your message might be received. Put yourself in the recipient’s shoes to ensure your tone conveys care and respect. - Pause Before Reacting
If a message feels dismissive or passive-aggressive, give yourself time to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. - Clarify When Necessary
If there's room for misinterpretation, follow up with a question or explanation to ensure your message is clear and well-received.
(and I won’t hold it against you if you give this post a thumbs up)
Ponder This
- So, where do you stand on the thumbs-up emoji debate?
- Have you ever reconsidered using an emoji after learning its cultural or generational implications?
- How do you ensure your digital communication is clear and empathetic?
Books
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
- Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
- Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry
- The Lost Art of Listening - Michael Nicols
- The Five Keys to Mindful Communication - Susan Gillis Chapman
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